Just when I thought my life was perfect, came a realization.

Mine wasn’t perfect.

I’m taking about my childhood frenemy, Christian.  Frenemy because that’s exactly what we are.  Friends bordering on being enemies.

I was out malling with a friend when we stumbled upon him, and a really cute guy.  I wanted so much to pretend that I didn’t see him but it was too late for that, he saw me.  I put on a winning smile and gave him a peck on the cheek.  After what seemed like an eternity, Christian introduced us to the cute guy.  His name is Bill and he’s his partner.  I was smiling so hard I thought I heard the bones on my cheek crack.

Me and Christian were neighbors and childhood friends back in the province.  Growing up,  he was always better than me…in everything!  He was better than me in volleyball, had better house, better than me in making and maintaining friends and now, years after he seemed to still be better than me.

Well, we both looked better, but he had on better clothes, better shoes, and well a better looking partner.  I chided myself for not taking more effort in dressing up earlier.

I can feel envy’s ugly head rearing.  How could he still be better than me?

I wanted so bad not to feel envious, after all, I am doing great now.  I have a job that I love and that pays well.  I have made lots of friends and social connections, I even look better than him…but that means little because until now I am still alone.  I’ve been thorugh several relationships but I’m so good at messing them up they normally just last for a week, or a month if I’m lucky.

He tells me they’ve been together for years, 4 going 5 to be exact.  Now that we’re both older, I know Christian didn’t mean to brag.  He was simply being proud that they’ve lasted thus far and I understand that perfectly.

They invited us to join them for dinner and I politely declined.  I said we had made plans to meet up with some friends, even though we didn’t.  Christian understood and hugged me.  I gave Bill a nod and said goodbye.

I didn’t realize I was crying.  My friend took my hand and squeezed it.  He knew what I was thinking. I looked at his face and smiled.

Perhaps, all things considered, I may not be doing as bad as I thought.



  1. i love how you wrote your musings. damn honest. and creatively vivid. as if i was there to witness it. anyways, cheer up. if it’s not time, it’s not yet time. if Christian has Bill, then you must have something else he doesn’t have. life is fair, whether we see it or otherwise. take care!

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